"'Is she afraid of you? We're all afraid of you. I myself had to fight back my dread of you almost every day I was at Hailsham. There were times I'd look down at you all from my study window and I'd feel such revulsion...' She stopped, then something in her eyes flashed again. 'But I was determined not to let such feelings stop me doing what was right. I fought those feelings and I won'" (269).
During the end of the novel, many parts shocked me, especially passages about the true reason for Hailsham. This part in particular surprised me because I never suspected that Miss Emily would feel any sort of dread towards the students. I think that Kathy and Tommy never suspected the disgust she had for the students either. She masked her true feelings well, leading the school and making the students feel safe. Kathy obviously respected her and gave no indication that Miss Emily feared the students. I admire Miss Emily's determination; she would not let her feelings for the students get in the way of helping them. However, I am surprised that she still feared them even after spending so much time with the students. Surely she was able to see that they were as normal as "real" humans, and I do not see why she continued to fear the children. Maybe the thought of them being clones repulsed her more than the students themselves since they did not appear any different from regular people. Whatever the reason for her fear, Miss Emily pushed that aside to continue her crusade for the students at Hailsham. I am sure that Tommy and Kathy were just as surprised to learn of Miss Emily's disdain for them.
Maybe at the root of her fear and repulsion is that they served always as a reminder to her of what they were doing and how deeply immoral that was. And not only was it so wrong, but she was a part of it, a part of the system.
ReplyDeleteAnd maybe most of the time she could tell herself that she was one of the good guys, that she was fighting for a better life for them after all; but at the very heart she knew she was actually complicit in the act.
I know most people say she felt repulsed simply because at the end of the day they were clones, and not humans. A different species- and we feel repulsed by seeing these rows and rows of faces made to just look like us but not us at all.
You have written this in your post too. And I think this is true too. Sometimes even if you spend every single day with them you may not be able to shake off the feeling that they are different. And I am sure this is a part of it.
But I wonder if it was also some degree of guilt and seeing them every day, seeing how "human" they were only worsened the feeling of guilt.